you know your a ******* when........

1326 Views 22 Replies 11 Participants Last post by Linkmaster, Jan 22, 2003

$teve

Discussion Starter · Jan 20, 2003

You Know You're a ******* When...2003 Edition!
(do you know anyone like this?)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

4. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

5. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

6. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

10. Your grandmother has Ammo on her Christmas list.

11. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

12. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

13. You have used a rag for a gas cap.

14. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

15. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

16. You can spit without opening your mouth.

17. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
18. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

20. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

21. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

22. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

23. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

24. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

25. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

26. You've asked the preacher, "How's it hangin'?"

27. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

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1 - 20 of 23 Posts

hewee

· #2 · Jan 21, 2003

You Know You're a ******* When...

...you are reading this post.

...went you are post in this thread.

...you are at the random forum.

...when your getting your morning coffee here.

...when you saying good night to others here.

...you are still here.

...?????????????

He hee Steve and the list can grow for all of us.

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$teve

Discussion Starter · #3 · Jan 21, 2003

good mornin hewee

does that count?

hewee

· #4 · Jan 21, 2003

Good morning to ya.

Why I guess with us here red necks we take what we can get.

Look you just got up and look where your at.

Think about it Steve.

Who did you say good morning to first?

Was it at home or online?

monted

· #5 · Jan 21, 2003

28. Your father walks you to school because your in the same grade.

29. Your porch collapses and kills more than 5 dogs.

30. You mow your yard and find a car.

anlore2001

· #6 · Jan 21, 2003

31. You have to haul a can of paint up a water tower to defend your sisters honor

32. You see a sign that says say no to crack and it reminds you to pull your pants up

33. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle

34. you have to finance a tatoo

35. Someone yells hoe down and your girlfriend hits the floor

~Candy~

· #7 · Jan 21, 2003

36. Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.

37. You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

38. You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.

39. You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.

40. The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.

41. The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

42. You think "dual airbags" refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

43. Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.

44. Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".

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buckaroo

· #8 · Jan 21, 2003

45. Your wife asks you to remove the transmission from the tub so she can take a bath.

jakoval

· #9 · Jan 21, 2003

46. You can chew your own toenails.

47. You've ever shot a mouse inside your home.

48. Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

49. People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.

50. Burger King won't let you have it your way.

cadaver queen

· #10 · Jan 21, 2003

51. When you go out to buy Xmas gifts for your wife and sister and come that day , she loves her present..

Davey7549

· #11 · Jan 22, 2003

53. Your best hand mixer has Black and Decker on the side.

54. Never had to look past the barn to find your next girlfriend.

55. Thought it was a great deal when the Dems offered to buy chitlins and grits for y'all and all you had to do was pay the tax.

monted

· #12 · Jan 22, 2003

your crazy Ol Sarge.

RT

· #13 · Jan 22, 2003

(He ain't really crazy, he just spelt "yur" and "yore" incorrectly. I mean look at his avatar - made it in the nervous hospital, mmHmm)

(CQ, Now what was #51 again?)

(#47B = with a shotgun)

# 56. Yore nek is red.

cadaver queen

· #14 · Jan 22, 2003

51..in ******* speak..

Yore wife and sister wear the same dress at the same time ..

RT..,

That Better???

cadaver queen

· #15 · Jan 22, 2003

Or how about your family tree has no branches and just extends skywards..(up)...

..

RT

· #16 · Jan 22, 2003

Well some say we eat Arshed Taters daown here, (Irish Potatoes, whatever that is)

And some say our carrs have tarrs, and when it gets cold we bild a farr (only sometimes out of tarrs)

RT

· #17 · Jan 22, 2003

#57. Use double "r"s in a post.
,Love Y'all
RrT.

G

· #18 · Jan 22, 2003

#58) When a married couple moves from Arkansas to California, and get a divorce... but they're still brother and sister!

hewee

· #19 · Jan 22, 2003

#59. When your, your own grandpa.

hewee

· #20 · Jan 22, 2003

For the above post.

-------------

******* Family Tree

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

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1 - 20 of 23 Posts

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