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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so I am restless and bored and ready to be celebrating Christmas so who has some good stories in the meantime... ??
 

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piper_maru81 said:
Ok, so I am restless and bored and ready to be celebrating Christmas so who has some good stories in the meantime... ??
Let me tell you a joke then

A man recently received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. He tried hard to change the birds attitude-saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer.

Suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. He was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said,

"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions; I will endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

The man was astonished at the bird's changed attitude and was about to ask what brought this phenomenal transformation when the parrot continued, "May I ask what it was that the chicken did?"
 

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Followed by a few helpful cookery tips lol

Delia Smith is the UK's version of Martha Stewart - a household legend.

Delia's Way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Delia's Way #2
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way
Buy Smash mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Delia's Way #3
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way
Tesco's sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

Delia's Way #4
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.

The Real Women's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh*t. Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Delia's Way #5
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way
It could keep forever. I don't eat it.

Delia's Way #6
Brush some beaten egg white over pie-crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way
Tesco's frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg whites over the crust so I don't do that.

Delia's Way #7
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of tequila. Drink the tequila. You might still have the headache, but who gives a sh*t?

Delia's Way #8
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing cloths. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way
Go ask mister tight arse, cute legs, single neighbour to do it for you.

And finally the most important tip -

Delia's Way #9
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way
Leftover wine?????
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sorry, I actually had work to do there for a minute... but your joke was great. Not big on opera. You're factoids were great also... especially the one about oversalting food! Thanks!
 
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